shimmer_of_light (shimmer_of_gold) wrote in exanon,
shimmer_of_light
shimmer_of_gold
exanon

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Step 4.) A moral inventory of ourselves

Steps 1.), 2.), 3.), are in the post below...

inventory...that makes it all about me, my years in AA confuse me on this point because i'm not supposed to think about myself....

did i interfere with Samuel's recovery by dating him while he was still too new??!! He had a year and a half in our program, after a year off the wagon after ten years clean and sober. Shoot! then my committee says, that that makes me too big and powerful...you can't get someone drunk or sober....but my heart says you "can" pour someone a drink....

mental not to self..."do not date AA members, regardless of sobriety length, nor alcoholics"

God knows my character defects are many, I'm just better able to LABEL them, and well, notice when they are causing me pain faster....and not suffer from them as long as i used to....so,...possibly...

rushing into a relationship too fast....lust...loneliness...desire for intimacy/proctreative instinct...all funneling into fear of being alone...and finally just... fear...God grant me the wisdom to be more discerning about whether the enormity of a relationship may interfere with either of our spiritual growth....

Step 5.) see above....

listening for feedback before asking God to remove these instincts gone awry....
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  • 6 comments
mental not to self..."do not date AA members, regardless of sobriety length, nor alcoholics"
rushing into a relationship too fast....lust...loneliness...desire for intimacy/proctreative instinct...all funneling into fear of being alone...and finally just... fear...God grant me the wisdom to be more discerning about whether the enormity of a relationship may interfere with either of our spiritual growth....


Woah.
Have you been living my life TOO?!?!?!?!?
sorry to hear that i think....

well read on and learn from my mistakes first

i'm determined not too suffer like a martyr this time....
and to learn and grow and get the fuck back up! and get on with it!

*whew*

i "feel" so much better now- thank you ;D
yeah, see...that was like a few yrs ago and bc I'm like all sensitive and stuff (of course, it WAS my first substantial relationship ever) I'm still trying to get over it...But I made those mistakes and I keep trying to learn from them and remind myself of it all........
We are all guilty of wanting relationships to fill voids in ourselves. Human nature just makes us want that fulfillment. Ultimately, I think we're useless to others when we rush into things to fill the void because we ignore what is really wrong.

I think your instincts are good ones. It is when we ignore them that the trouble starts.
think i'm ready for the prayer yet? so i can move on with steps 6,7,8,9?

i usually work all the steps out on paper and come to an applicable halt on 9 where i am ready to make amends, but don't force it. i'm armed with what i want to say, but i wait for the people i've harmed to give me a que their ready. Or a Godsmack, that i should go do it...
This is much more low key than the traditional programs. You've obviously got a lot of experience and I don't think you have much to feel quilty or bad about here.

You made a choice and loved someone who wasn't capable of loving you right. Don't torture yourself over it.