eyedothis4me (eyedothis4me) wrote in exanon,

im new

Is it weird i keep a box of everything we ever did together? When i say everything i mean everylittle thing. If there was a gum wrapper that had some little signifigant meaning its in there. Every movie we went to. Your old lighter, mini golfing talley cards...i loved you and i wanted to remember everything about you. I made you that book with all the pictures of us. The two and a half years of us all in one huge album, i wonder if you still have it. If you even look at it. I was going thru pix in my room today and what do you know some how one pic of you was still out hanging up behind another photo. I could have layed down and died. Thats how much i love you. Yes i still love you, you selfish prick. I think about you all the time. I do, you think about me? Ever??? Do i ever enter you mind? Did i ever mean anything to you? Was i anything to you at all? I cant even let myself like anyone else i cant give a decent guy a chance bc i love you!!! I cant not love you. Ugh you are the most frustrating guy in the world and i hate you. I hate you bc you wont let me love you. Why wont you let me love you? I miss you. I miss you so much i want you to come lay with me and hold me like you used to and just not let go. I want to stay here and love you and let this moment last. Can i have you just for one more day? I wasnt ready. I just want one more day to let go. Its so pathetic I was never the one to beg i was so strong and look what ive become. Im a nobody now. I leaving. Thats the only way i can get out of this slump. I need to leave this town this state this coast. To get you off my mind. You are no good for me. Never were. i just cant go on like this.
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